The Bathroom Stall

The word is large. A bathroom stall is small. Whilst out in the world, trodding and plodding like we all do, there are many actors at play, many rituals and norms that we all adhere to (barring certain extreme circumstances, namely Scarsdale). Occasionally, the universe shrinks and all outside your cranium is metaphysical. These are solitary moments with the self, when you assume that the outside world is functioning and moving along fine like it always is.

Today we shall focus on the revery of the bathroom stall. Sitting quietly atop a porcelain throne, one goes about his or her business. One sits in relative silence and is comforted by the fact that the procedure is endowed--to a large degree--with anonymity. One is encased within a shell, a very unique shell in which all that onlookers may ascertain about the inhabitant is the manner in which his/her feet are outfitted.

As a resident of Scarsdale, I see it as my duty--an unwavering one at that, which, if I do not do, I not only cease being Scarsdalean in every meaning and understanding of the term, but I also pose deep and concerning questions to myself about my purpose in life as a result of not adhering to a certain aspect of a life philosophy which dictates to a large degree my every action that I implement on the surface of this green Earth--to introduce chaos into the universe of an occupied bathroom stall.

"Crooooooo-wat!"

"Eeeeeeeer-wat!"

"Booooooo-knock!"

"WASP!"

"Raaaaaaaaaaaaw-swatch"

"Neeeeeeeeeeeee-loff"

"Booooooooooow-tock"

"NOSH"

I can scarcely imagine the thoughts and the confusion that this series of exclamations sets off in the universe of the bathroom stall which I am not a part of, but merely an anonymous inscrutable statistic in the metaphysical realm of the outside world that is in fact not part of the "stall universe," of which one lone person is an inhabitant of. All there is in response is resounding silence emanating from the stall. The Scarsdalean then leaves, vacating the innermost layer of the bustling, abstract humanity without.