“Hi, uh, miss? Excuse me, miss?”
(He had my attention)
Yes? (She un-podded her ears)
“Well, I’m not sure exactly how to put this…”
“mhn?”
“Well, I was just curious as to…uh, whether there was a location—a specific location in which…”
“In which, yes?”
“In which the inhibitions that you cling to tightly on a quotidian basis will be stripped—which will lead to further stripping—you know, a watering hole—where do you get fucked up?”
“Uh.”
“Come on chicky—tell me baby way-be where the party will-be? Come on give me the lock and the key—do you see me? Do you see me? I be on my knees girl in da middle o starbucks how can you do me like that??? Tell me chick commmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmeon chick puh-leeeeeazzzze baby puh-leeez”
(she looks around and pods ears again. I snatch him up)
“Psst—remons—pst,” I whisper.
“Urh?”
“Got a pocket fulla big faces—cuz eryone I’m wit iz Taylorrred!”
“Oh you on that Wizzy shit, huh? You overheard, I presume?”
“Indeed. I appreciate your persistence. Bitch madz prude. All goodi though you’re a handsome fell, what the name be, bwoi?”
“The name be Joseph, and yours, fell?”
“Well, as it just so happens to be, and happens to be it be, the name of me is ERSATZ, ya see?”
“Ersatz—what glee! What a pleasure it is, to mee—“
“The pleasure is almine, that much is for sooth. What be the dealings with which you doth protest to be at in here pursuing buxx it is, hm?”
“Always pursuing buxx, you know. And the truth of it be, much more do I need—wouldn’t mind so much to be in the presence of a lady, ya see.”
“20-10 Paco, not a glitch in the cistern—ya-ya—I hear it resounding like thought-clap sonic boom, broth, boom tomb with an epitaph on top, ya dig? Whip the froth like a cappuccino hat and plop it in your mouth with a little sprink-o-sug on top that much the ladies be pleasing to see!”
“Ah yes,” the persistent one said,” Ah yes, well it is delightfully fine of an occasion—a chance as skinny as the slivery little plunky interstines of a slimy vermiformed creature, that is—to be meetin and con versatiling with a like-minded and like-bespeeched fell the likes of you, good broo.”
“And you, broo, too. With out ado I must protest this conversation is through. And I’ve had quite enough of this Seussian dialect of speech, good god, thank you very much, I’d like to be through.”
“I think he heard us.”
“Yes, I suppose he did. Well, things are always bound to go the way they’ve always gone, huh?”
“Same as it ever was.”
“Indeed. Keep persisting, young one.”
“Willdo.”
And with a nod and a clap he was on his way. To subversify the world and practice his calisthenics of anarchy or whatever it was James C. Scott was talking about at that lecture today. Charisma? Yea, to be charismatic.
Whatever. Fuck you.
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