Dear New York City Craigslist searchers,
I sit here in my living room,complacent seemingly entertained but internally tormented. I can't stop thinking about drapes and curtains. Playing in them, snatching them. That's what I do. That's what I live for. Stealing drapes is my obsession, my expression of unconscious desire. The libidinal effect of a drawn curtain is something to be awed at. Do I have friends? Yes. They are purple and black. They fill my 230 window mansion. Of course I don't only have purple and black drapes and curtains. "I have them in all colors. All shapes even. My collection is arguably the biggest in the world and if it is ever topped I will be stealing some more goddamn curtains. Each room i walk into produces a corresponding orgasmic sensation. If you see any goddamn curtains please tell me. I have to have them. Curtains! Drapes! Love!